HOW TO BE GOOD AND MAD!

I was the starting center on my high school basketball team and I remember one night the referee made a terrible call and gave me a foul. It was unwarranted and I told him so. He didn’t like that, but I continued to argue. I got a technical foul. At that point I was so angry I let him know how stupid he was and I was given a second technical foul and ejected from the game. Then I experienced my coach’s anger.

I know a woman who was regularly beaten and abused by her angry husband until her body was black and blue and several bones were broken.

I know another woman who is mad at God because her husband died. She is mad and blames God, questioning his love and goodness.

I once had a staff member who got angry because there was no coffee in the office pot. Everyone knew his anger and stayed away from him.

ANGER IS A POWERFUL EMOTION

We’ve all been angry at one time or another and most of us have felt the brunt of someone else’s anger.

Anger can be positive or negative.

Anger is like gunpowder, it can be good or bad, depending on how it is used. Anger can get the adrenalin flowing in a football game and be negative when it causes a player to retaliate foolishly. Anger can motivate a team. In those situations, anger can be constructive and do a lot of good. You can get so mad at things that aren’t right that you go out and do something to correct the situation.

Anger can build or destroy relationships.

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot‑tempered one commits many sins. (Proverbs 29:22).

Anger can break a relationship with a friend. Uncontrolled anger can destroy a marriage. Movies and novels depict how anger can lead a person to kill the person he loves the most. 60% of all homicides are against family members.

Anger makes clear thinking impossible.

You don’t think clearly when you are angry. While you are angry, it is not the time to make big decisions. Anger makes it difficult to deal with situations or to solve problems.

Uncontrolled anger will destroy your health.

A while back, Reader’s Digest ran an article, Your Anger Can Kill You. Do you know what happens to your body when you get angry? Sugar pours into your system creating energy, your blood pressure increases, your heart beats faster and your blood circulates faster, your blood clots much more quickly than normal, additional adrenalin is released, the pupils of your eyes dilate, your muscles tense and your digestive tract can become so spastic that severe pains are felt both during and after the time that you are angry.

A whole list of health problems can be triggered by chronic anger. There’s a lot of truth in the old saying, “Don’t get so angry that you burst a blood vessel!”

ANGER IS A COMPLEX EMOTION

Anger comes in all shapes and sizes and wears many faces. It goes from a mild irritation to a violent rage.

Anger may be buried inside or expressed openly.

Some folk bury their anger inside. They don’t want to have a confrontation, so they muzzle their anger. They go deathly silent. Their anger is stuffed inside as resentment and bitterness. It’s quietly stored up like toxic waste. That’s good because no one else gets hurt and it may be better than a violent explosion, but it still anger. It is just suppressed and is dangerous because the angry person still hurts himself, often giving himself ulcers or some other condition.

Counselors know that a lot of relational problems arise due to buried anger. Psychologists are very familiar with buried anger.

Some folk demonstrate their anger with loud outbursts and violent behavior so that you can hear them six blocks away. They let fly with one unrestrained explosion after another.

Anger is related to other emotions.

A person losing a close friend or spouse goes through a process of grief. Anger is one stage of grieving, but it shouldn’t continue indefinitely. It shouldn’t be permanent.

Anger is closely associated with frustration.

I’ve felt angry when standing in an immigration line at the airport in Moscow for two and a half hours. After a ten-hour flight I was angry at having to wait in a line because of the inefficiency of the immigration officials.

A key to understanding anger is to understand frustration. Anger and frustration are closely related.

We tend to get angry when things don’t go our way or when our expectations aren’t met, when unexpected unpleasant things happen to us and when people disappoint us.

When frustrated, we need to remember the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can change; and the wisdom to know the difference!”

Anger tends to become a habit.

Anger quickly degenerates into a habit. We give vent to our feelings once and seem to get away with it. Then the next time it’s a lot easier to lose our tempers. This is why parents need to deal with a child’s temper tantrums early.

Some people get angry driving on the freeway every morning and every night. When they say they are fighting the traffic, I picture boxing gloves on the fenders of their cars as one car fights another. Other people drive the same expressway at the same time and do so very calmly and get where they are going just as quickly. We don’t fight traffic; we fight ourselves.

If anger is a habit that is learned, it’s a habit that can be unlearned.

THE BIBLE DEALS WITH ANGER

The Hebrew word for anger means “nostril” or “nose.” The phrase James used slow to anger, in Hebrew literally meant “long of nose.”

God gets angry.

There are many references in both the Old and New Testament to God’s anger. One clear demonstration of anger was when Jesus, in anger, threw the money-changers out of the temple.

Many Bible characters became angry.

In Exodus 32:19-20, Moses had been up on the mountain with God and had received the law and the 10 Commandments. When he came down and saw the golden calf and all the people with Aaron dancing around it, he threw the tablets of stone on the ground in anger. His anger was justified in light of the sinful behavior of the people.

King Saul was famous for his anger. Much of it stemmed from his jealousy towards young David. Several times, in a fit of rage, he threw his spear at David trying to kill him. Saul became so angry he even tried to kill his own son, Jonathan, because he had befriended David.

Ephesians 4:46-27 summarizes the Bible’s teaching on anger.

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27).

It’s OK to get angry, just don’t sin when you do.

In your anger, don’t sin by hurting someone else. Don’t sin in your anger by breaking a relationship. Don’t sin in your anger by saying or doing something unloving. Don’t sin in your anger by offending God with your behavior.

Be sure the motive for your anger is right. Make sure it is rational anger and not emotional anger.

Settle your anger before you go to bed at night.

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. That’s good advice. The longer anger lasts, the more difficult it is to deal with and the more damage can be done.

Not dealing with your anger quickly gives the devil an opportunity to work. Not dealing with your anger quickly opens the door to other problems.

Get rid of emotional anger.  Emotional anger simply isn’t good and it certainly has no place in the life of a follower of Jesus Christ. Spiritually mature Christians don’t get angry and lose their tempers. Paul said, Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger. James said, My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19‑20).

A friend of mine says, “Warm up slowly and cool down quickly.”

ANGER MUST BE CONTROLLED

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11).

How do you handle anger?