Helen grew up in a terrible environment. There was constant strife between her parents and she lived in constant tension. Her father bullied her badly. There was never an encouraging word, she never heard a compliment and she was beaten and abused.
Helen has been married for more than 20 years but the memory of those childhood experiences still dominates her life. They run through her mind like a recording. The memories are as real today as they were 25 years ago and she still lives the trauma of the brutality and meanness of her father.
Helen is a nervous wreck, she’s as thin as a rake, she can’t sleep at night, she doesn’t eat properly and it’s all a result of her past. She can’t break free from the memories of her past.
YOUR MEMORY IS IMPORTANT
We’d be in pretty rough shape if we couldn’t remember anything. Your memory is one of God’s great gifts. Memory makes learning possible. You couldn’t talk without your memory and you can’t think without your memory. Your memory is invaluable and a powerful tool for good.
Each of us could recount events from our pasts. Fortunately for most of us, our experiences are not like Helen’s. Most memories are happy but some aren’t. Some of us have experiences we’d like to forget, things we wish had never taken place, words we wish we’d never spoken, friendships we wish we’d never made and places we wish we’d never gone.
Most of us are able to cope with those memories and we’re able to keep them in perspective, but some folk have difficulty with the memories of past experiences.
YOUR MEMORY CAN CAUSE YOU BIG PROBLEMS
While your memory is a powerful tool for good, there are times when our memories cause us problems. We say, “If only I could erase my past from my mind!” We wish for selective amnesia. We wish we could dismiss the pictures replaying the past.
Memories can cause you to live in fear and can leave emotional scars. Grief, remorse and sorrow are all played out in the memory. It’s your memory that enables you to carry grudges. Bitterness and resentment are products of a malfunctioning memory.
Memories can bring tension between friends and break relationships. “She did that to me and I’m never going to talk to her again…”
Memories can make you inactive. You made a mistake once and you don’t want to make the same mistake again. You think you made a fool of yourself singing a solo, so you’ll never do it again.
Your memories give you feelings of guilt and unsettle your conscience. Memories remind you of the things that were wrong.
We feel like King David. David was a great man but he did wrong. David said, I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me. (Psalm 51:3). David could not shake his past. His memories unsettled him and made him feel guilty.
People struggle with their memories in a variety of ways. I’ve seen people become nervous and anxious as they remembered. I’ve seen others trying to atone for the past by becoming active and benevolent. Others take refuge in alcohol, a bottle of pills or illegal drugs. Some try escapism, trying to lose themselves in a fantasy world of entertainment.
Some become prisoners of their memories and are held in bondage by what they play over and over in their minds. The trouble with the tape they play over is that it doesn’t wear out; it just keeps making a deeper and deeper impression on their minds. Their memories keep them from anything productive, hold them in bondage, dictate their emotions and arouse fear, anxiety, guilt, anger and bitterness.
This is how Peter must have felt. Peter was the chief disciple and part of the inner circle with Jesus. Then came the trial of Jesus when Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. What an experience for Peter! He denied his Lord, called down curses on himself and swore he didn’t know Jesus.
The Bible says, Then, Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him. Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times. And he broke down and cried. (Mark 14:72).
In the middle of it all, Peter’s memory went to work. Peter remembered. He remembered his own cockiness and the words of Jesus. His memory brought it all back. He broke down and wept. He had spoken so rashly and thoughtlessly. Now he remembered with regret and remorse.
HOW TO LET GO OF YOUR PAST
How do we deal with the memories that distort the past, cripple us emotionally and keep us from reaching our potential? What can we do to get release from the past?
i. Identify the specific event in your past. Sometimes it’s easy to identify the event in our past that troubles us but sometimes it’s not so easy. As we replay our memories, we embellish them, we have difficulty keeping them accurate and we confuse fact and fiction. This is particularly true of bad memories. We embellish the negatives, we remember things being worse than they really were and we ascribe motives and intents to the actions of people that aren’t really true. Memories are fertile grounds for our imaginations.
To come to grips with your past, be specific about what happened. Write it down on a piece of paper and then ask: is this really what happened?
ii. Separate the past from the present. This sounds obvious, but it’s really basic. When your memories cause you problems, the root of your problem is not in the present, it’s something that happened in the past.
Recognize that the past doesn’t have to affect the present.
iii. Do what you can to correct the situation. There are some things in the past that are finished and nothing can be done about them. Perhaps the person we offended has moved away or died, so there is no way we can repair what happened.
But there are some situations where there’s a lot we can do to make matters right. The key to dealing with our past may be to go to someone and ask for or grant forgiveness. The key may be to show kindness to someone or to make restitution.
This is what Zacchaeus did when he came to Jesus. He dealt with what he could in his past. He gave half his money to the poor and paid back those he had defrauded.
Some people could be released from their past by taking some action. They don’t need a divine miracle, they don’t need a psychiatrist, they merely need to swallow their pride, face the facts and make things right.
iv. Ask God to deal with your past. This is what King David did. He said his sin was always before him. He felt guilt. He struggled to be free from the wrong he had done.
David asked God to deal with his past. Yes, he said, I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me, but David went on to ask God to deal with his past. He said, Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow… Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:7, 10).
What’s in the past is over and done. There’s nothing we can do to change our past and the wrongs that we’ve done. The sins we’ve committed are there and they are listed in the record book against our names. But what we can’t do about our past, God can. He can deal with our past and remove the record from the book. He can wipe the slate clean. He can forgive us and treat us as if the wrongs in our past had never happened.
This is the big key to dealing with our past. What we can’t do, God can. He can obliterate from the record book any memory of the past.
Do you catch the impact of this? When God forgives, we don’t need to carry the weight of our past any more. When thoughts of the past come to mind, we can confidently say, “Yes, that happened and I’m sorry for it, but since Jesus has dealt with it and there’s not a single record of it in heaven, I don’t need to worry about it any more.”
v. Accept God’s forgiveness. I’ve often heard people say, “Pastor, I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself!” People who try to forgive themselves are trying to do the impossible. It’s impossible to forgive yourself.
We need to accept God’s forgiveness. People who try to forgive themselves really don’t understand God’s forgiveness. God’s forgiveness is complete; it makes trying to forgive yourself redundant.
So, accept God’s gift of forgiveness.
vi. Face the future with courage. Knowing that God has forgiven you and that you are in a right relationship with God, step out with courage and face the future confidently. Live in the future with confidence and faith in Almighty God.
This was Paul’s experience. He was a leading opponent of the Christians, throwing them in prison and having some of them killed. Paul could never get away from what he had done. He couldn’t change the past but he was forgiven. He accepted God’s forgiveness and wrote. Forgetting what is behind and straining to what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize. (Philippians 3:12-14).
Notice what Paul did about his past after he was forgiven. He forgot the past, he strained for what is ahead and he pressed toward his goal.
I grew up singing the hymn, “Calvary Covers It All.” Here’s what it says:
Calvary covers it all,
My past with its sin and stain
My guilt and despair
Jesus took on him there
For Calvary covers it all.
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